Written Jun 11, 2022
Writing is an art that requires more internal substance than external material. We can only enhance ourselves; we create to influence others, like “everything is by design.” Hence, it requires an internal substance that reflects fractal pieces of our external world. Life is a Tsunami filled with unconscious undersea volcanic eruptions, and by the life-giver, the sun, the curtains will always open, revealing the unconsciousness. What was once fragmented will be found with new seeds, and this union brings no end.
There is a quote I read not too long ago by Rainer Maria Rilke, a Bohemian-Austrian poet who writes primarily in German and was born in Prague. He wrote, “I hold this to be the highest task of a bond between two people: that each should stand guard over the solitude of the other.” I slowly then realized that empathetic people, such as myself, can easily become diffused into others- so much to the point that we lose our own identities. Although it is common for all of us to become like the 5 people, we are closest to, as Jim Rohn -an American entrepreneur, author, and motivational speaker- once said, there is still something that makes us unique or slightly different.
These differences are usually what we find most attractive and are the characteristics that we ourselves may want to manifest; however, it is necessary for couples to provide one another with space from time to time. This keeps things fresh and exciting, as well as keeping both individuals whole. That means, everyone will still have the potential to focus on those unique components within themselves, and everyone becomes a supportive figure in their relationship. That makes all the difference in how we perform, but it is also about providing the necessary space needed for one another when it matters the most, which is super hard for me to do without a mutual agreement of healthy boundaries. But that’s domestic love which requires management!
I can only speak from my experience; nevertheless, as an empathetic person in the information age (also known as the Computer Age, Digital Age, or New Media Age), my experience is intertwined with everyone else’s experiences. In a series called ‘In Conversation With the Mystic,’ in the video Of Love and Life — Juhi Chawla in Conversation With Sadhguru, Sadhguru (2014) says, “An ultimate union is a different kind of love affair.” Moreover, “Ultimate union is not a normal social thing! If you fall in love itself, you become vulnerable to somebody; without becoming vulnerable there is no love affair. YOU HAVE TO FALL!”
For the past 2 years, I fell hard in love with a muse who believes in the power of self-expression! Yet, regardless of the outcome, the guru believes this internal experience to be quite beautiful. Without a doubt, Sadhguru believes that the most beautiful moment was when I sat alone and really loved him so much that I would die for him. Love happened within me because I allowed it to happen, and it is because I paid and gave attention to him. I was a doormat or dust on his affluent feet, as he mentioned. Sadhguru talks about how an unmoved life is a dull life, a life not worth living; what makes life exciting and meaningful are deeply felt emotions.
Throughout my experience, I created my own fallacy which was mixed with truth. I am so obstinate and optimistic with this love that I “tread such a land” to be completely lost in expressions of love and desires. For a little over 2 years, I shared every part of myself whether it was received or reciprocated. Like a devotee, I remained in love and loyal; furthermore, enthusiastic about him! According to Sadhguru, this means for the time being, I chose to lose my sanity for a higher purpose, or for a good life. It was no longer a matter of recovering or moving on from this incautious, limitless love affair, but of understanding my desire to dissolve into him. My desire to experience wholeness and so much more!
There I lay, uphill, dreaming. Meanwhile, my heart was screaming. Beating like an ocean of emotions! Steaming… I was forever longing for something more.
My energetic experience was filled with heart palpitations. With heavy breathing, I was lost while seeing and believing in something more. To dissolve into this love where sizzling bonfires were screaming in my heart.
Despite being told that I have so much love to give and how great it would be to share that love with someone who would give it back to me, the truth is that all this love was created because of him. Or at the very least, the idea of him! He triggered my thoughts and emotions and flooded my brain with testosterone, estrogen, dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin, and vasopressin — merely with his presence. With feelings of attachment, attraction, and lust, I wanted to be a part of his life (no matter what). I wanted to know that he was well and if there was anything that I can do for him to be okay or better than what he is today.
Sadhguru. (2014, November 4). Of Love and Life — Juhi Chawla in Conversation With Sadhguru. YouTube. Retrieved June 11, 2022, from https://youtu.be/Kgowgm1KeZ4